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Four years ago, when I had a To-Do list that wrapped around the block, a baby on my chest, and toddler arms pulling desperately on my shirt, I was short on ideas of how to fix my situation. The easiest answer was that my husband needed to do more, and so I’d yell at him, nag him, and beg him to step up. I left lists and created plans and set schedules and still…nothing made a difference. So I began to analyze my marriage, trying to optimize it like I used to fix nationwide wireless networks. I was determined to solve this problem, to make it better, to fix him.

It didn’t work.

I was trying to use masculine energy to fix a spiritual problem.

“Feminine energy refers to a specific set of traits, considered to be the opposite of traits associated with masculine energy. Your masculine side gets expressed when you’re working toward a goal, making progress, getting things done, and pushing forward. Your feminine side gets expressed when you move with the flow of life, embrace your creative energy, dance, play, and attune to your internal process.” – Shelly Bullard, MFT February 25, 2020

Sometimes that works. Sometimes we apply science and medicine and make things better through technology. Sometimes we build massive wireless networks and connect people instantly over their iPhones. Sometimes detached, logical, analytical, practical solutions really work.

But I already had too much masculine energy. I was already focused on data, numbers, the pros and cons list of our relationship.

Yet as a spiritual problem, I needed to tap into the most sacred part of who I am, my feminine energy. That’s the emotional, energetic, spiritual, sensual, intuitive part of me. That’s the force in nature that creates everything we know and love. That’s the power of my body to take one egg and one sperm and create a newborn, with its soft tufts of hair and tiny yet mighty fingers.

Sensual Feminine Wisdom = Intuition

I needed to bring myself into more balance by awakening the empowered feminine energy in my soul. With patient confidence, delighted praise, nurturing affection, visualized intentions, and loving boundaries, I tapped into the most powerful creative force in our world.

We’re trying to fix marriage with masculine energy–force, fear, control, and detachment. But marriages need us to awaken the feminine. We can’t “fix” men with masculine energy. It just won’t work. Unless you want to feel like their bro, you need to bring more of your feminine into your relationship. They want to enjoy you, serve you, and of course, have sex with you. Not live with their bro.

“Men seek a divinity to serve and adore, and women were given the power to fulfill this desire in a man through their sensuality.” – Lebo Grand

We can only “change” men with empowered feminine energy. We can’t “fix” a relationship with masculine logic. We can’t analyze it into something divine.

No, we must enter the sacred space where our souls reside. We must enter our hearts and access the authentic power of our energy. We must love the soul of who we’re with, honoring ourselves first, and allowing others to honor us. Through our divine feminine power, we create the conditions for LOVE to arise. We create the space for spirit to dwell, rather than the mind to overtake.

When we are aware of what we want, sure of our truth, and unwavering in the knowledge of our worth, we create the blueprint from which we want our relationship to grow. Because we are clear and aligned to what we DO want, we no longer create the conditions for abuse to arise. We are no longer seeing the worst in our husbands, shouting violent words like verbal daggers into their heart, passing our resentment on to our children through manifested anger at their messy rooms or snail’s pace.

“When the feminine energy sees or encounters a problem, there is a deep desire to share and connect.

The feminine energy is nurturing, understanding and all about intuition and feeling. While the masculine is about doing, the feminine is about being.

The feminine energy wants to be sought after, pursued, cherished and honored.

The feminine energy wants to be wanted.” – Tony Robbins

If you find yourself analyzing your relationship or trying to optimize your husband, tap deep into your heart. Release the painful arrows of your parents’ unconscious words and actions and remember how to connect to the energy of your spirit. That’s where true transformative power comes from.

Watch my free workshop on awakening your feminine here or read more about conscious marriage here.