A Conscious Parenting Coach is someone that has been extensively trained in child development, psychology, mindfulness, and emotional intelligence. As a Conscious Parenting Coach, my focus is the relationship, either between the parent and the child or between both parents. Because our children’s behavior is their best attempt at getting a need met, undesired behavior from the child most often points to a parent who, for some reason, isn’t able to tune in to the child’s needs.
My job as a Conscious Parenting Coach is to identify what is blocking the parent from tuning in, and guide them to resolve it so they can fully connect with their child. The theory behind Conscious Parenting is that we all have at least one child that will “trigger” us, meaning they awaken some unresolved emotional pain from our own childhoods and that, by healing those pieces of us as they arise, we can actually use the relationship with our child for personal growth.
“True spiritual mastery is found in the muck, not the mountaintop.” – Dr. Shefali Tsabary
As it turns out, I realized one day a few years into this journey that it was my husband who was non-stop triggering me. It suddenly dawned on me that my relationship with HIM was going to be the one I could use to heal and grow. I began focusing on the uncomfortable feelings and thoughts I was having around him and turned the lens entirely inward to see what, in me, needed attention.
That work led to writing my book, The Authentic Wife: Uncaging Yourself Through Marriage. It is so important to me that parents whose marriage is suffering first make an attempt to use their marriage’s challenges for their own personal growth, because I know that those same issues will come up again in their next relationship if they split and that by healing them, they also heal those places within their child.
Divorce, in my opinion, is a mostly avoidable trauma that can be devastating for the child. For me, it was important that my conscience was clear and that I knew I’d done as much healing and personal growth as I could before ending my marriage. I knew that there would be no guarantees but that it was imperative for me that I first try to evolve from this woman who was an empath and enabler before I threw in the towel. Obviously, someone in an abusive relationship shouldn’t stick around to grow, but that wasn’t the case in my marriage, and so I decided to use every argument as an opportunity to move toward healthy boundaries, trust, self-love, healthy interdependence, and emotional distinctiveness.
“Relationships are part of a vast plan for our enlightenment, the Holy Spirit’s blueprint by which each individual soul is led to greater awareness and expanded love. Relationships are the Holy Spirit’s laboratories in which he brings together people who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth.” – Marianne Williamson
If you’re looking for someone that will join you in thinking there’s something wrong with your child or spouse that can be fixed, I’m sorry, but I’m not your girl. I can help you understand them and what they need, but my goal is to help you see what YOU need and why not getting it is creating conflict in your relationships. This is a path upward and outward, away from who you are today and back to who you were before a parent or someone else in your life told or showed you you weren’t good enough. I promise you that you ARE good enough and you are worthy of relationships that reflect and honor your worth.
First you must honor your worth within.