NEW

5 Ways to Fit in Self-Care When You Have Little Kids

Read more about Parenting. What is self-care? Self-care means taking care of yourself to refuel, or replenish your own energy. It starts with the basics like sleep, eating, and hygiene, but we often forget that mentally, emotionally, and spiritually we need to do...

How Do I Set Up New Clients With An Invoice and Contract Using 17Hats?

Read more about Digital Marketing for Inspiring Entrepreneurs here. If you're a new entrepreneur or coach, you're probably wondering how to get your client on-boarded in a professional way. When I started, I used DocuSign for contracts and Acuity for scheduling and...

How I Organized Our Toys to Get Our Sanity Back

Read more about finding your Soul Truth in Parenting. When we arrived home, the carpet was missing. Well, it seemed to be missing. It was covered by a layer of balls, PJ Masks, markers, paper, books, and socks. So many socks. My husband made the usual comment that it...

Angry? Where Are Your Boundaries?

If you’re an empath, having kids revealed any way you gave too much of yourself to the more narcissistic partner. Whatever imbalance existed--in meeting their needs over meeting your own--will be revealed because your kids don’t have an alternative; they depend on you...

The Pink Crayons: A Story to Help Your Child With Friendship

The other night I was snuggled up next to my daughter in her Elsa blanket, having our nightly chat before she goes to sleep. We pretend she's going to stay in her bed, but mostly she just sneaks into my room in the dark, silently waiting for my heart to stop when I...

Is Your Missing Intention For Your Relationship Sabotaging It?

“What’s your intention for your relationship?” << That’s one of the first questions I ask my clients. If I could sprinkle pixie dust on your relationship to make it perfect, whether it's with your spouse or child, what does that perfect look like, for you?...

What is a Conscious Parenting Coach?

A Conscious Parenting Coach is someone that has been extensively trained in child development, psychology, mindfulness, and emotional intelligence. As a Conscious Parenting Coach, my focus is the relationship, either between the parent and the child or between both...

Is Your Ego Where Your Boundaries Should Be?

Heart armor used to do the job of my missing boundaries. Maybe you know this armor as your ego. It's that voice inside your head that judges others as good or bad to make you feel safe and good. It's always trying to build us up so we don't feel pain. The more hurts...

Mom, I’m Not a Crybaby

Imagine you're watching a child struggle at the playground. Tears start to fall as his big sister pushes in front of him. His mom pulls the phone away from her mouth to tell him to stop crying right now, that she's "not raising no crybaby." What she doesn't know is...

Conscious Relationships When He’s Not Conscious

"He's not conscious, what do I do?" <-- Is this question on your mind? What the heck do we do with the relationship when we've done allllll this personal growth work and our husband is just lagging behind in unconscious-ville, all up in his ego? He's not parenting...

My daughter was screaming, crying, sobbing.  “I want to watch Dory in the basement!” she repeated, over and over again.  My dad and his wife were in town and about to leave – as in their whole visit of a few days was over.

I had just turned on Dory on the TV in our living room where we were all sitting.  My son was in my lap.  It was late in the evening and we weren’t all going to move to the basement “theater” right before they left.

She was sick and has been all week.  She’s spent most of the week in bed, or on my lap in the chair.  She was already upset because I made her take Motrin, and because she’d stayed up all day to visit.  And because she had less than a plate of food in three days.  Plus, it was past bedtime.  
The crying continued to escalate into screams.  My husband barked in anger, “Stop screaming!  We’re not watching it in the basement!” to which I of course hissed, “Stop!” – which apparently has become our code for: what you’re doing is not conscious or developmentally appropriate.  
She was still crying.  Weeping, wailing, in a tizzy, as Llama Llama would say.  I told her that I heard her, I understand.   Invited her to come sit with me from my seat across the room.  She wasn’t calm enough to say much more to.
My son was still in my lap.  I asked my husband to see if she wanted a hug, offer her a hug.  He didn’t ask, just got down on the floor and tried to force her into one, chasing her across the carpet.  Now she looked completely distraught and disgusted with all of us. 
I could feel my husband’s energy sinking lower and lower, frustration about to boil over even more than it already had.  I could feel my father’s do the same, though I was honestly very surprised that he had remained quiet all of this time.   From the old parenting perspective, this sounded like a bratty outburst.  The old parenting paradigm was uncomfortable.  It wanted it shut down.  She was in pain and the old parenting paradigm wanted nothing to do with that.  Pain is not allowed there. 
Finally, I had to put my son down, which of course made him cry, even though I handed him to my husband where he’s usually quite content to sit on his lap.
I picked up my daughter and carried her, which she loves, but my back doesn’t as she’s already tall and 50lbs.  I said, “Let’s go for a walk.”  I heard my son’s little feet follow us. 
We needed some nature.  I opened the front door, but it was cold and drizzly.  The fresh air hit both of us and we connected.  “Brr!  Let’s go back inside!” “Yeah! Brr!”
Holding her and resting my cheek on her head, I quietly told her, “I know it’s so much more fun to watch the movie in the basement.  The screen is bigger, you get all snuggly in the big chair, and it sounds better too.  We love to watch movies in the basement, don’t we?  It’s special time for you and Dad.  It’s more fun down there.”
She looked at me and her wet face nodded and her lips turned down in a pout, ready to cry again.
“You really want to watch Dory in the basement tonight.  I understand honey.  The problem is, Grandpa and GG are going to leave in a few minutes to go back to their home.  Their visit is over and we want to sit with them and chat until they leave.  I know it’s hard when they leave, we miss them don’t we?  The other problem is that it’s bedtime after that, so we just don’t have time to watch the whole movie tonight.  But we can certainly watch it down there tomorrow.  Would you like to do that?”
She gave me a wet nod yes.  
“Should we go sit and tell Grandpa and GG about the movie before they leave?”
A wobbly “Yeah Mommy..” came out.  
Back in my chair, she sniffled, and quickly pointed out some character on the screen and the funny part that comes next.   She took a deep breath and was fine.  
When our babies are upset, especially when they are tired + sick + hungry, I know they need loving support, and that they have “every sovereign right to throw a fit”, as Dr. Shefali says.   It is a challenge to not enter their discomfort but to hold space for it and allow it to move through them.  I’m so thankful that I have done this work and this situation did not escalate. 
If tantrums are a challenge for you to respond, rather than react, to, click “Re-Write Your Story” to request a free 45 Minute Discovery Call.